The difference between praising your child and patronizing them can be a very fine line. Most parents are able to see attributes in their children that may be far less visible to the casual observer. The same is of course true about their child’s challenges. How does a parent appropriately express both pride and concern over their children’s achievements as well as their PERCEIVED failings (which may simply be learning opportunities).
Here are my thoughts on “Dos and Don’ts”:
Be “praise and punishment appropriate”. Not everything is a BIG DEAL and if there are no varying degrees of response all rewards and punishments will soon have the same effect. None.
It’s wiser to be sure to have your child’s attention. Yelling from the other room, or sharing your thoughts when the child is distracted by things they may be more focused on (like the attention of their peers) simply becomes blah, blah, blah.
I do not believe in praise or criticism for a child in comparison to the actions of another child. A child thinking that they are better or worse than another is the root of bullying and shamming and completely unnecessary.
Make the opportunity to talk about the child’s actions that are being praised or punished. What are the consequences of similar repeated accomplishments or repeated offenses (this creates an opportunity to establish a desired repeating habit).
Notice that differing circumstances may require differing responses. As an example, a child defending or protecting a friend may deserve parental empathy even if they have acted inappropriately. These circumstances may offer a learning experience about good intentions leading to bad behavior.
My last thought for today… it is possible that when you review your parental response to a given situation in retrospect, you may realize that your response was inappropriate or incorrect. The greatest teaching lesson of all may be taking the time to apologize to your child. Your children will make mistakes, and learning the value of a humble apology may be the greatest lesson of all. Let’s face it… we all need to forgive one another more.