I am excited to share my progress toward fulfilling my dual commitments to becoming both a hospice volunteer as well as a professional End of Life Doula. Also known as an end of life coach, death midwife, or death coach, all terms referred to by the Cleveland Clinic explaining assistance to a dying person and their loved ones before, during and after death.
An End of Life Doula provides emotional and physical support, education about the dying process, preparation for what’s to come and guidance while survivors grieve. Susan, my wife, has been a certified End of Life Doula for more than eight years and has found it to be a collection of some of the most rewarding moments in her entire professional career. Death is the single guarantee that life offers to every human being. My belief is that death occurs in honor of life, and that the experience of fear or foreboding as death ultimately arrives can be replaced by celebration even as we mourn the passing of an entirely unique soul.
Of course physical, emotional and spiritual needs must be addressed as an individual’s human experience comes to an end. A professional Doula, or hospice volunteer to some extent, helps to assist the medical team with information that isn’t always be available if you’re not spending more time at bedside or with the family. Doulas can report symptomatic changes, as well as offer patient companionship, family relief, and experiential suggestions as medical, physical, mental and emotional conditions continue to evolve.
I recently completed my hospice volunteer training at the regional hospice facility in Danbury CT. I will soon be assigned my first patient in a home bedside scenario. In that assignment, as well as in all future assignments there is a relatively standard protocol for all care giving. I will need to first survey the space in order to be aware of any situational concerns such as safety, the availability of family support, and acute medical or situational concerns. Beyond those critical issues my primary role will be to help create, hold, and honor a sacred space that will allow patient, family, and loved ones, to freely express their emotions as much as possible.
My motivation to pursue this path has ultimately been inspired by the privilege of first sitting bedside with my mother-in-law Margaret, and more recently with my older brother, Terry. Margaret was the most supportive, caring, intelligent, philosophical life advisor and human being I have ever had the privilege of knowing. Her grace and wisdom will always be my reference point for offering any type of advice or personal wisdom. I could not have loved or cherished Margaret’s time and companionship more gratefully. She also chose a remarkably graceful and beautiful transition from life to her spirit life at Danbury Regional Hospice, while on respite care over the Thanksgiving holiday in 2019. I miss her.
Terry was the quintessential older brother, blazing a trail throughout my adolescence and teenage years, modeling for me what to do (could get away with) and what not to do (could not get away with). With only two years of age difference he closely preceded me in experiencing many of life’s big events. First, becoming a husband, then by becoming a father, and then by becoming the first 3rd generation member to join the family construction business. When I also choose to join the business five years later he insisted that I be hired at his level of compensation and responsibility despite his five year seniority! Outside of work and family I even followed his lead into our blood sport, competitive golf! We literally played hundreds of rounds together over the course of more than 50 years. Regardless of any differences we may have had in our 75 shared years, he was always unconditionally supportive of my life choices. I miss him.
These two experiences at bedside will be with me as I embark on this new work. Grief is part of the process, and something I will address as an End of Life Doula as well. Aren’t we all just walking each other home?
Life is a gift. I wish to help make the end of life experience a celebration of that gift.
With Love, Mickey